Going to live abroad, as one can imagine, is not a walk in the park. Adding to the complexity is moving with a spouse and young children. The mere thought of the move and all that it entails puts us in a decision paralysis. There are so many things to be done that the pressure of starting is crippling. I want to share with you something that has helped my wife and I plan and prepare, and make it easier.
The immediate steps were administrative and in particular the Visa process. The approach I took was not to wait, but proactively start collecting and arranging for the documents, some had a long lead time taking weeks and month, especially those which required dealing with official authorizations and legalizations. Starting early helped me to ensure all the documents were ready when the time of application submission came.
The next step was to come up with the next steps. I worked backwards with a departure date X and our weekly state of being. By X-1 week we want to be ready to pick up the bags and leave, a week before we should have all my medicines and prescriptions for the family, a week before that I want to have sorted out my bank stuff and others financial matter, and a week before that to have my visa, tickets, apartment, etc. finalized and in hand, and the week before that to have all sorting of clothes and belongings into 3 categories – keep, give away and take, so the week before I need to start the process of cleaning up and also make arrangements for my dog that'll be staying behind, and the week before that...
... you get the gist. So to make each of those happen, when do I need to start? I need to also give myself enough buffer time to account for things not going as per plan and taking longer. Through this process, I realized I had to be doing things today! It gave the days and weeks to follow a structure and manageable goals.
Moving with babies is a challenge since you have to predict how big, active and different they will be in 3 months, 6 months and a year later. It is best to talk to a minimum of 3 people who have been in your shoes and have done what you have to manage your expectations. Visualize the move with them from your home to the airport, the wait, the flight, the journey to the hotel / apartment and the first 10 days. Pack so that your first 2 weeks stuff is easily accessible and on top.
During this time, make some time to yourself and do things that you enjoy doing by yourself and together with family. Take baby steps and don’t get overwhelmed. This is only possible if you plan plan plan! Plan ahead and plan in detail, the rest is mostly smooth sailing.
There is a Zen story about a man riding a horse that is galloping very quickly. Another man, standing alongside the road, yells at him, "Where are you going?" and the man on the horse yells back, “I don't know. Ask the horse.”
I think that is our situation at times, we feel like we are not in control, but we must reign it in and take charge.
Finally and most importantly, through this stressful journey remember to celebrate events: birthdays, anniversaries, milestones like getting the visa, packing your suitcase, finalizing the apartment, getting your tickets, and the weekends! Positivity will keep you going and give you a sense of achievement. Gamify the process with rewards waiting for you at the end of each step.
Until next time, R.
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